Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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