I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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