his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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