"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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