so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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