so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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