If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Randomize