I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
