haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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