Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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