I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
