i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize