i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
