She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
