Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
