I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
