D3 body, D1 cock
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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