Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
