john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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