I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
People in love make me want to vomit
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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