Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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