What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
