I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
