1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my being single is dangerous.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
