Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize