I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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