I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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