We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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