thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
