??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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