I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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