youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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