we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
