not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
