Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
