Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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