see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
we're so committed to being not committed
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
