the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
