I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
