Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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