I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We're too hungover to prance.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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