I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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