I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Terrible idea I love it
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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