she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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