My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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