Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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