Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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