he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
