Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
