This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
