I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we made out on top of his cat.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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