I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
