I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
