I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
