Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
