As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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