My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
