I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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