What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
