I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
