So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
