I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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