i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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