Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
