How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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